I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
