im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
