if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My pussy is not your playground.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Couch. On fire.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
