oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
