Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
