thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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