Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
