Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
