I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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