You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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