Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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