rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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