I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
