This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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