Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
