After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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