Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
