I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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