Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
