I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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