Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
