p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think your dad took our porno
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
