Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
