she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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