Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize