I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
