you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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