I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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