Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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