ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
