just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
