I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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