Need sex. Gaining weight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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