the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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