I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize