so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
