The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
