So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
