He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
