Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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