The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
