I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
