living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
