Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm too high and old for this...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
