You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
