Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
