Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
