I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
