never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
