Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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