I could have mohawked her pubes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
