went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
