i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
