He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize