Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
