i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
