You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
