every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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