Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
