If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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