The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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