I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
