I wish my penis had an off switch
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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