I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
