Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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