I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
