talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize