If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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