Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
