can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Someone shattered a urinal.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize